santa vaca

In case it isn't already old news to the whole world: last October to March I went crazy. I made a lot of horrible decisions, one of which was to not go to class anymore. Without a car, I never had a way to get to campus, which is 45 minutes away. There was a point when I didn't go to school for an entire month straight. Eventually, I found halfhearted ways to get there, but they were through negative means. In the Spring, I enrolled for classes with the intent on going, but I still didn't have a car, and good intentions aren't enough to pass classes. I ended up buying a heap of junk car for an incredibly large amount of money that I got from my scholarships. The car ended up being way more trouble than it was worth, and I poured so much money into it, just to end up not being able to get to campus anyways. When I finally stopped going crazy, and moved back in here, I started going to school again. However, the damage was already done, and I could only raise my grades so much.

That being said, I ended my freshman year with the lowest GPA I've ever had, a GPA that was .05 away from being what I needed to have my scholarships reinstated. I found this out after it was too late to sign up for summer classes, and immediately freaked out. I have no money for school, so if I don't have scholarships, I can't go. I found out on the school website that I could appeal my Bright Futures scholarship by sending in a bunch of forms. I sent in a few, and crossed my fingers. 3 weeks later I received a letter in the mail saying that my appeal had been rejected, but I could send in more information and they would review it again. I was devastated, and wanted to give up. But I didn't. Before I left for Guatemala I gathered a ton of papers, had people write me letters, and mailed a fat envelope to USF. During my time in Panimaquin, I was completely stressed out and anxious over not knowing if I was going to be able to continue the education that I had once worked so hard for.

Upon arriving home, there was no letter from the university. I freaked out again. I wanted to give up and call it a day, not sure if I should attend my first week of classes, only to have them dropped. I was encouraged all around to seek out what I could do to get more financial aid. I had to continually make the choice to trust God, something I'm not so good at, especially with giant things like my future, hah. Every time I felt anxious, I just repeated that I was choosing to trust God, and I would make all necessary steps to get back to where I was. I understood why I had lost my scholarships, but they stood as a monument for my shame, a permanent effect of all the horrible decisions I made. I made revisions to my financial aid application, which awarded me with a ton of money. I started feeling the weight being lifted. I was checking my financial aid awards online daily, thinking I still hadn't heard from Bright Futures, and maybe there was a glimmer of hope.

Then, 2 days ago, the miraculous happened. I happened to check the mail. And in the mailbox was a letter from USF. I tore it open, and my heart immediately sank. The letter was short. What I read, however, made my heart jump into my throat. "Dear Sarah, We have reviewed your appeal for Bright Futures, and it has been accepted. The funds will be distributed to your USF account." I had checked the night before, where my financial aid awarded was $3,000 and my cost of attendance was around $5,000 for tuition alone. When I looked online, however, it now said $10,000!!! The money more than tripled overnight. I had chosen to trust God, and He had proved Himself so faithful. I had persevered through doubt and bleak conditions, and had ended up with more than I ever dreamed.

I can attend school. For free. In fact, I will most likely get a good sized check in a few weeks, money leftover from paying tuition. I had screwed everything up. I had no hope. I was weighing my options, looking for a different path. But, God. And now I can continue pursuing my degree, raise my grades, and become everything I know I can be, everything God knows I can be. He believes in me when I don't believe in myself. He has set people around me who believe in me when I want to give up. He is faithful, truly. And I can trust Him with all things, even the big things like my entire life.