forgiveness

"Live and let live."

"Forgive and forget."

"Forgiving is not excusing what the person did."

"Unforgiveness is like drinking poison in attempt to kill someone else."

I'm sure we've all heard these a million times. I know I have. And I completely understand the basic concept of forgiveness. Especially as one who has been forgiven so much by God, and the people in my life. I understand I am not an easy person to love, nor an easy person to forgive. And yet I understand that I am worthy of forgiveness, and so is everyone else.

It's the application that gets me.

Some struggle with the small things, some with the big. Me, I mostly just struggle with people. There are certain people in my life that I just harbor bitterness, hatred, and anger toward. I build up a wall between us (which is usually a good thing, considering it's not a safe/healthy relationship), but behind it I build up a torrent of horrible things. I rage and rant and sneer behind it all. I refuse to offer any forgiveness, claiming the things were too awful, the wounds too deep, the person unworthy. And so I simmer, separating myself from God, from the people around me. And, frankly, it's killing me.

So how do I choose to let go? There is certainly no excusing the actions of these people. There is no waving away the pain that they have caused in my life. This morning, I felt like God led me to maybe a bit of understanding, a few more steps upon the path to ultimately forgiving. Through many tears and very few words (for how often can these kind of things be translated sensibly?) I found some kind of peace.

Hate is easy, love takes courage.