on love

i'm often not as loving as i should be, and this is my own fault.

if you're around me for more than a few days, or if you knew me in the past, you would readily attest to this. i used to be the biggest jerk i knew. and you don't just get over that. often i still find traces of my cruel nature inside of me. i can be rude, rebellious, snarky, gossipy, and judgmental all in the same breath. i'm not proud of it. actually, i hate it.

the thing is, sometimes i don't even realize that this is coming out of me. or i do realize it, and i'm crafting it to not look as bad as it really is.

but it is bad. it's just awful.

God has loved me in a way that is so deep, so profound, that i shouldn't be anything but gracious to people around me. and i don't honor that enough.

so, hello. if you are reading this, you should know that you are an incredible creation of the most beautiful Creator. you are valuable and beautiful and strong and more than you think you are. you deserve to be honored, cherished, and cared for. and i'm sorry if i've ever treated you as less than you really are, because you didn't deserve that. i love you, and i'm sorry.

may your cup runneth over.