six

For the past two days I've been tempted to throw myself an enormous pity party. But today I am giving up on that notion, in favor of being thankful that I am alive. Today, actually, is six years since a friend committed suicide. Whether I realize it consciously or not, the few days before today are always a little heavy on my heart. And normally, today would make me hang my head and shed tears of regret and remembrance.

But today, instead, I am going to celebrate. Celebrate his life, and celebrate my own. The warm sun on my skin, the breath in my lungs, the blood in my veins, are all reminders of the life that beats and flows within me. I've given up on thinking that I could have prevented his death, I've given up on feeling guilty because it won't change anything, it will just bring me down. I am grateful for the life that I have been given, so today my every breath will be a quiet monument for the life that was lost, and the one that I am just beginning.

sarah∞mae