family

I have an incredibly dysfunctional family. My dad is a drinker, and a mean drunk. My mom is a codependent weakling who feeds off her children. My older brother is a drinker, and a depressed drunk (he used to be a mean one, but that was when he did a lot of drugs, which thankfully he stopped). My sister is a stripper, a scrapper, a drinker, a druggie, and a mother of the most beautiful baby boy in the world. My younger brother is a junior in high school, and just joined the marines. My nephew is the cutest, sweetest, most amazing little bundle of wonderful I could ever imagine, and I love him more than anything in this world despite his many developmental problems due to his environment.

I love my family. I also hate my family. I don't feel like I need to choose between the two emotions and I feel perfectly justified in feeling both. I don't speak to my family much, and don't feel the need to. They are in a constant cycle of drama, one that I stepped out of, and they don't like that too much.

My mother's day cost me fifty cents. I bought my mom a very generic card (no lovey-dovey hearts and 'you're the best mom ever!' for me. It was 'have a perfect day') and stopped by in the morning to drop it off. However, she was not there. She was in the hospital, which she regularly does when she feels the need for attention because daily she does not take care of her medical needs. There are definitely serious issues with her health, but she doesn't deal with them, so she routinely ends up in the ER. When I called her later, she was at the hospital with my sister, who follows in my mom's footsteps in that area.

I haven't spoken with my dad in almost three months. The last time I did, he was screaming at me, I punched him, and then I moved out. I haven't spoken to my sister in almost two months. The last time I did, she betrayed me in the deepest way and we fist fought, ending with her calling me the c-word and throwing me out of the house by my hair. I don't call my mom, so she's bitter toward me. I don't call my older brother, but that's ok because I love him. I call my younger brother sometimes, but he's busy with high school. I miss my nephew.

I just felt like saying some true words about something that has molded so much of my life. I just went over to the house to visit some family in town, and as always, it was traumatizing. It was good to come back to a stable environment and say "It's so good to be home for real."

I have a great testimony, coming from a family like that and accomplishing all that I have, especially breaking the cycle and not being like them. However, for those who do not have a family like mine: do not pity me. Be grateful for what you do have, cherish it, and continue to give the way that you have been given to. A joyous, loving, supportive family is what everyone deserves. As for me, I've found this kind of family in my home now. Surrounded by friends who are closer than just friends. They are my brothers and sisters. They are my family, and I love them.