open/closed

to be honest, there are a lot of days [or rather, times during the day] when my life feels like this. open door, open opportunities, clean slate. i breathe clean air deeply, laugh from the bottom of my stomach, and smile wider and realer than ever before. i enjoy other's company, celebrate the little things, and look for the silver lining. i find new hope, and determination. i feel good.

and then, there are days [or rather, times during the day] like today when my life feels like this. closed door, dark sky, cold wind. my breath catches in the back of my throat, tears seep from my tired eyes, and i continuously hug my middle to keep myself from falling apart. it's not that i prefer solitude in these times [although sometimes that is the case], it's rather that i usually feel this way when alone. it doesn't always have to rain for me to feel like this, it can even be under an endless blue sky. i feel hopeless, destitute, and just plain sad.

someday i will find balance. until then, i'm trying to learn to just dig my heels in to stop myself from running when the sky gets dark and the seas begin to toss. the storm will be over soon enough. morning will come.

sarah∞mae