thanksgiving, for kicks

Since everyone seems to be posting about Thanksgiving this week (what gives?), I figure I'll take part in the spirit.

My Thanksgiving was quiet, but good. I visited my family in the morning, then took a drive to Siesta Key (about 90 minutes away) to watch the sunset. Then I came home for a really wonderful small dinner, and then to spend the night with my friend Camilla and her sister. There were a lot of things that bothered me about Thanksgiving, but I have so much to be thankful for, and I believe thankfulness should be celebrated in everyday life rather than just at some time of the year!

I am thankful for the incredible house I live in, and the absolutely wonderful people I am surrounded by. For my friends, both old and new, who make my life rich and meaningful.

I am thankful for my nephew, whom I love more than the stars.

I am thankful for my education, which I don't deserve, and is such a grand blessing.

I am thankful for clean water, a roof over my head, and a warm bed.

I am thankful for Panimaquin, the people, the fact that I can go there, and the impact they have in my life.

Most of all, I am more than thankful for the glorious, beautiful God who has loved me so deeply, so intensely, and so radically that it has changed everything I know. He is more than words can fathom, more than I can ever explain or understand, and is the reason I breathe. I am thankful that I have the opportunity to spread that love, take the incredible opportunities I have been given, and use them to their utmost ability.

Plus, Christmas is coming. And this is my favorite season of all.

halloween & other goodies

Happy Halloween! I love all holidays, and Halloween is no exception. Last night we hosted an incredible Halloween concert/party at our house where a few really awesome bands played, and everyone dressed up. My friend Falyn and I carved a pumpkin for the contest (there was only one other pumpkin, haha, and the contest never went down). It was great to hang out with everyone on such a beautiful night!

James and I the other day. Me wearing my giant pumpkin shirt. Garbage bag ghosts in his front yard.

Falyn and I's pumpkin!!! I know, we were impressed too.

Me, the harajuku girl, and Sienna the devil last night. What you can't see here are the mile long eyelashes I have on obstructing my vision. And the giant pink circles of blush on my cheeks. But look at my house! Isn't it incredible?! I know, I'm blown away too. I can't believe I get to live here.

A year ago yesterday was when my life went downhill. Everything started falling apart and I began making horrible decisions. And yet, here I am. What do I have to be but grateful? These people, this God, this house... it's all more than I deserve. This Halloween far exceeds last one's, and it hasn't even begun yet!

I love this little guy more than anything in the world! I'm pretty sure I say that every five seconds, but I can't get over how absolutely wonderful he is. I've been spending more time with him, and I can't get enough. Whenever I go to leave, he begs me to stay, and it just breaks my heart. He is the best. Look at his silly face!

I've definitely been keeping busy with school. Papers, midterms and readings keep me up to my neck in homework, and I am proud of the work I'm producing and the grades I'm getting. In the midst of it, I am blessed to be able to still spend tons of time with the amazing people around me, ones I live with, and ones who hang out here. Community upholds so much in my life, I don't know what I'd do without it.

A lack of justice in the world around me has been bothering me lately. It's not okay that there is so much poverty, homelessness, rape, domestic violence, mistreatment of women, discrimination, etc. It's not okay that this doesn't upset us anymore. Seeing this on a personal level, in my life and the lives around me, burdens me to no end. I believe that we are called to love so violently that it changes circumstances around us. Whether or not you know the living God, you are called to make a difference in the community around us. And if you know God, there is more of a responsibility upon you. You have known the deep, intimate, life changing love of Jesus, and have the absolute requirement to spread that to the world around us that needs it more than breath.

On another note, Fall is here and I could not be more excited. My room is decorated for Halloween, I've pulled out my socks, and earrings. Seen here are my garbage bag ghosts, stuffed with notes from class and hung from my ceiling. Also seen are my pumpkin lights around my mirror. My room is so festive, it makes me so happy!

These are the things on my heart lately. God is moving, He is good, and He is enough. I want to love Him more every day....

art show

This Sunday we'll be hosting our annual art show at the house! I am more than a little bit excited.

Our back porch will be covered in youth created artwork, on sale by donation to raise money for our trip to Panimaquin (less than a month away!!!) It is such a fun time to hang out, eat, and celebrate everyone's creativity. Did I mention dressing up? Because that's fun, too :)

If you're in the area, you are more than welcome to come! It starts at 7 pm.

If you're interested in coming, leave me a comment and I'll shoot you the address.

(Sidenote: Bill, if you still want that painting I'll hang it up for the show but label it "sold". Just let me know!)

fun fact

You can follow our community's life via pictures!

This is the website [here].

[It's really funny because we play A LOT of games, and I didn't realize how many until I looked at all the pictures of us playing so often... and that's not even half of it. Above photo is us playing Last Word on a game night.]

I love them. You will too. Check 'em out.

home

It really feels like I've come home again, in so many ways. The people, the feelings, the familiarity, the family. It all feels real, and it all feels good. I'm experiencing freedom I shouldn't know and love I don't deserve. It's beautiful, painful, and a little overwhelming at times. Looking at where I've been makes me feel awful, and I just want to sit in a dark corner somewhere and drink myself into oblivion or something equally depressing and destructive. But then someone laughs and light breaks through all my walls again. I used to quote John Mayer often, saying "maybe when things turn green again, it will be good to say you know me."

On Saturday night we went to the Conscious Party at Tampa Underground in Ybor City, right down the road from the club I had gone to the previous Saturday. Funny how life takes you in circles. Katie convinced me to read some of my stuff, and I never knew that an empty 10x10 square of laminated hardwood and a microphone could be so intimidating, terrifying, and exciting. One of my friends recently inspired me to start reading my poems to other people, and really get comfortable with it. I love writing so much, and it's such a huge, integral part of who I am. Going public with it is a million times worse than reading my diary out loud because all of my words are birthed from inside of me, they're raw and real and I can't help but be painfully transparent in them. It was good, and freeing, to be able to do it.

I love community so much, and I've missed it more than words can describe. This, for example, was an impromptu drum circle with no true intent. Everyone just picked up some instruments and started playing. There was dancing as well. Everyone is so beautiful, and sharing life with them is both an honor and a blessing.

Things are turning green again.

sarah∞mae

sunday

Today was a day of so much emotion, it was ridiculous. I went to the park for a little bit with some people, and ended up sitting cross legged alone, reading Chuck Palahniuk. The park was blaring some heartbreak songs from hidden speakers, and I was hiding behind my big sunglasses and crying. It was really, really, really depressing. I sobbed my whole way home, curled up in my favorite armchair, and read. There's nothing poetic about suffering, or maybe all suffering is poetic and that's where masterpiece is born from...

I ended up surrounded by old friends in a situation that made my heart ache and regret seep from my pores. They know me inside and out, and after I cried for a good hour, they brought out a cheese ball and sat around me. Some of them had just returned from the east coast, where they recently put in a Pollo Campero. Pollo Campero is the leading fast food chain in Guatemala, where I've been three times, a place that means the world to me. One of the guys gave me his leftover PC. It made me cry, and it made me so happy.

I really don't know what tomorrow holds, or the day after, but a little ray of hope has squeezed its way into my life, refracting golden rainbows off of everything I see.
sarah∞mae